I have many things on my mind right now...

Temptation

Temptations, when we first meet them, are as the lion that roared upon Samson; but if we overcome them, the next time we see them we shall find a nest of honey within them.

Temptation... I am tempted by many things right now... things thtat feel good in the moment, but hurt me in the long run, and are counter-productive towards what I want for myself. How can I resist temptation... when every time I am tempted, I forget about all the greater good, and all of my goals. I need to work on my self-control. I am being controled by my body... and nothing else.

Selfishness

The human being who lives only for himself finally reaps nothing but unhappiness. Selfishness corrodes. Unselfishness ennobles, satisfies. Don't put off the joy derivable from doing helpful, kindly things for others.

This past week has been so tiring. I spend my days helping care for a baby, and working, and nights with my sister in the hospital. My mother is just as worn as I am... and yet I feel like I am the one complaining, doing less work, and not being able to function. I just feel so messed up physically, and my head is in a constant fog. I just cant get out of it. This make me feel extremely selfish. Especially when I say something like I'm tired or hungry. When my sister is the one going through this extremely painful experience, and cant eat for the next 6 weeks. I feel selfish. I dont want to be selflish, it's just that I need some sleep... atleast my mother is getting to sleep at night.

We must make some sacrifices now, and things will get better.

PS- working 40 hours next week and on 24hr baby/sister sitting duty... so no rest is in sight for me.

Reflection

Few friendships would survive if each one knew what his friend says of him behind his back.

I had a situation recently where I said something in the presence of a friend about another person, and the friend IMMEADIATELY told the other person. This other person proceeded to go on a rampage, but I smoothed it over, and the other person and I are cool. However, I can't help but be angry at the friend. I trusted her, and I didnt think she would go to that person and tell them what I said out of rashness.

That's something that you do in junior high. The friend caused a lot of drama over something stupid. Honestly, if someone says something about me... I'd rather not know, because it only hurts my feelings, and causes anger. And people say things all the time that they dont mean. I feel bad about being angry at my friend though. I feel like I am blaming her for the mini-drama, but really, I caused the drama by saying what I said, not the friend. I've been trying to figure out what my upset feelings are really about... I think I feel betrayed. I never would have thought this friend would do that to me. I feel like I cant trust her, and now I have to watch what I say in her presence... but I'm so mad at her that I cant even talk to her right now. I dont want anything to do with her. I dont think I can ever be close to this friend again.

That's how I feel. But I think, why would I stop a friendship over something so silly? This isnt me. I just feel like I cant trust her now. I hope I can get over this before the friend even realizes there's a problem...

wow... just WOW.

it's amazing the growth you can have in 11 months. I must admit... I feel like I've traveled miles from where I was in August.

I began the school year unhappy... unhappy in a relationship that wasnt right for me-- unhappy trying to support my family through our difficulties-- unhappy at school-- unhappy with myself--

I was so far away from God, I had wandered into a dark and lonely wasteland...and there I stayed for 7 long months.

But I kept on walking... and then the sun (Son) rose again, and I felt his light warm my face, and I walked into his loving embrace.

I am a firm believer that you must stumble around, make your own mistakes, screw up, break up, make up, and shake things up, in order to reflect and grow...

Son, thou art ever with me, and all that I have is thine. It was meant that we should make merry, and be glad: for this thy brother was dead, and is alive again; and was lost, and is found.

You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.

You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy